Timelines

I play out situations over and over again in my brain.  Situations from two minutes ago.  Situations from two years ago. Longer even.

In these plays, I rewrite a line or two and it changes everything.  A different word. A different action.  A different intention.  And then a new timeline is built.

In some timelines, I walk away before we even begin.  In other timelines, a baby is born, a wedding is planned, a bad breakup is less bad, and a sour relationship never went sour at all.

Unfortunately life doesn't come with a rewind button.  And, if it did, there infinite numbers of possibilities and outcomes that are unpredictable.  Plus, even if multiple timelines exist in me, there's no breaking out of this one. Parallel universes are just science fiction mumbo jumbo. Right?

In rare moments, something happens to me and I find myself replaying without changing my words.  It's the same scenario over and over again.  In those instances, I realize I don't need an alternate ending; what transpired is all that need occur.  Whatever could have been different is no longer, or never was, in my control.

My hope for my life, and for the lives of those I love and cherish, is that these multifaceted endings die out.  I want to be secure in my decisions, unwaivering, unwilling to second guess my motivations or emotional state. My wish is that all these parallel timelines fade away into the layers of ourselves where healing has already begun.

Let us not rewind. Let us simply play out.