Sometimes I find courage in moments I never thought could even happen. I ask questions I don’t really want answered because I know there’s a potential for an answer I don’t want to hear. But then I surprise myself with a realization that things don't always have to end up just exactly as I expected.
A few months ago, I wrote about how the idea that letting go of something I always thought I would have isn't the same thing as accepting defeat. And though I believed it when I wrote it, it’s awfully hard to accept. I don’t actually know why. Maybe I find peace in believing it’s always cowardly to put old dreams aside for awhile to explore new ones. Or maybe I think it’s wise to cling to The Plan; you know, the one that will no sooner be realized than the last time I considered it. And what of distraction? There’s no option for distraction when I have to go get something I always wanted, even if that “distraction” may well have been much more if I only I had explored it.
My ever practical father has always said :
He encouraged me to define them, refine them, embody them, and make every decision, day in and day out, based on those values alone. "They can be different from mine", he said, "but you must have them."
And so I have them. My values emphasize love and compassion for people - old and young people, “my” people, strange people – all people. I’m known for compromise – the ever steadfast diplomat in all things work, family, and personal; though that may easily transform into losing parts of myself, the fight for being fair and decent makes me a reasonable, trusted friend – a friend who is fluent in the delicate art of giving and taking in all relationships. But the one that defines me most is my dedication. I have an unwavering mind after decisions are made. It’s all consuming. I’m determined, in spite of all obstacles, all naysayers, all logic, and even in spite of myself, that what was decided will be so. In my academic and professional life, this has served me well. I have a talent for taking chaos and turning it into order.
Yet I’m now asking myself, what else has that done for me? Has my never-ending obstinacy and arrogance given me all the people and relationships I've wanted in my life? Are my lists of stark “unfavorable” dealbreakers wise? After all, this ever forgiving diplomat can overlook behavior like manipulation, control, self loathing, and addiction. Does it make me wise then, to dismiss something simply because the answer wasn't what I was looking for after the exhaustive list of questions have been asked? What if that something is something you never even knew you wanted? Or worse, that you could have?
It’s wise, of course, to keep doing the things I believe in. It’s wise to make decisions and have goals to work towards. And it’s wise to be ever protective of my heart – or the heart of someone I care about. But isn't it also wise, my friends, to sometimes look deep inside and wonder “aren't there sometimes things worth exploring, even if it doesn't track to my goals?”
And well, I think the answer is yes; if, and only if, the core of your values are in tact.
A few months ago, I wrote about how the idea that letting go of something I always thought I would have isn't the same thing as accepting defeat. And though I believed it when I wrote it, it’s awfully hard to accept. I don’t actually know why. Maybe I find peace in believing it’s always cowardly to put old dreams aside for awhile to explore new ones. Or maybe I think it’s wise to cling to The Plan; you know, the one that will no sooner be realized than the last time I considered it. And what of distraction? There’s no option for distraction when I have to go get something I always wanted, even if that “distraction” may well have been much more if I only I had explored it.
My ever practical father has always said :
You can do whatever you want, as long as you have values that are your own.
He encouraged me to define them, refine them, embody them, and make every decision, day in and day out, based on those values alone. "They can be different from mine", he said, "but you must have them."
And so I have them. My values emphasize love and compassion for people - old and young people, “my” people, strange people – all people. I’m known for compromise – the ever steadfast diplomat in all things work, family, and personal; though that may easily transform into losing parts of myself, the fight for being fair and decent makes me a reasonable, trusted friend – a friend who is fluent in the delicate art of giving and taking in all relationships. But the one that defines me most is my dedication. I have an unwavering mind after decisions are made. It’s all consuming. I’m determined, in spite of all obstacles, all naysayers, all logic, and even in spite of myself, that what was decided will be so. In my academic and professional life, this has served me well. I have a talent for taking chaos and turning it into order.
Yet I’m now asking myself, what else has that done for me? Has my never-ending obstinacy and arrogance given me all the people and relationships I've wanted in my life? Are my lists of stark “unfavorable” dealbreakers wise? After all, this ever forgiving diplomat can overlook behavior like manipulation, control, self loathing, and addiction. Does it make me wise then, to dismiss something simply because the answer wasn't what I was looking for after the exhaustive list of questions have been asked? What if that something is something you never even knew you wanted? Or worse, that you could have?
It’s wise, of course, to keep doing the things I believe in. It’s wise to make decisions and have goals to work towards. And it’s wise to be ever protective of my heart – or the heart of someone I care about. But isn't it also wise, my friends, to sometimes look deep inside and wonder “aren't there sometimes things worth exploring, even if it doesn't track to my goals?”
And well, I think the answer is yes; if, and only if, the core of your values are in tact.
